What My Neighbour Saw

I’m certain that, had anyone witnessed what was happening this afternoon, their phone call to the police would have sounded something like this:

Witness: Hello? Police? Yes, I think I just witnessed a…  well, I’m not sure. Maybe a crime?

911: What was the crime, ma’am?

Witness: I’m not sure. Maybe a break and enter? Possibly child abuse, or maybe child abduction?

911: Explain what you saw.

Witness: Well this woman was pushing a stroller with a ton of stuff in it but no kid. But there were two kids screaming beside her. Like, really screaming, like maybe she wasn’t their mom.911: That sounds pretty normal.

Witness: Yes but then they didn’t go in the house. The door was locked and they couldn’t get it. They stood outside it for awhile and the woman was trying to undo the padlock on the gate to the patio but she couldn’t. She was trying all these codes but obviously didn’t know the right code.

911: Go on…

Witness: Yes, and then she grabbed a big Rubbermaid container that was outside and took it around the corner. I thought she was stealing it but then she put it down and she stood on it and then threw the older kid over the fence.

911: She threw a child over the fence?

Witness: Yes. Well, she didn’t exactly throw him. She sort of heaved him over and then lowered him down. And then she was trying to get him to do something – begging, pleading with him – but he was freaking out. He REALLY did not want to do it so I think she must’ve been telling him to to something AWFUL.

911: Hmm. What happened next?

Witness: Well she negotiated for a long time but this kid is a good boy. He did NOT do whatever terrible thing she was telling him to do. So then she put the LITTLE one over the fence and hopped over it herself! And then they all just opened the sliding door and went in the house. The one kid was still screaming. I don’t think he belonged to the woman.

911: Is it possible that this woman had 2 kids who were grumpy because they had just woken up from a nap?

Witness:  Well, yes, they did seem like they could be post-nap grumpy.

911: And is it possible that it is her house but she didn’t have keys to get in and couldn’t remember the code for the lock on her gate? And then perhaps she hoped the older child might be able to go in through the sliding door if she lifted him over the fence, and then open the front door for her and the baby? And then once the older boy was over the fence, maybe she was stuck because she was unable to get him back to her and couldn’t just leave him there, and he’s three or four and grumpy and so not doing what she’s asking?

Witness: I see what you’re saying..

911: Perhaps this poor woman was trying to convince the boy to open the door, or at least to push a chair over to the patio table so that when she lowered the youngest baby over the fence he could climb down from the patio table onto the chair without cracking his head on the cement? Maybe that’s why she was BEGGING HIM WITH ALL THAT SHE HAD.

Witness: This is all sounding very plausible.

911: I have a feeling this poor woman just had a terrible trip home from a ferry terminal where she had an almost-flat tire and had to stop at a gas station to get it pumped up and then her children both fell asleep in the car which was great for the moment but then when they woke up they were spitting bullets and she had to drag a week’s worth of clothes and presents in from her van with two miserable children and arrived home to find she was locked out of her own house and when she called her husband I bet that he said, “I’m almost done work and I’ll be coming home soon”, but I have a feeling he works an hour away and this poor woman couldn’t face dragging all that stuff back to her van and sticking her kids in it again to wait for more than an hour, so I’m pretty sure that she was not abusing her children but rather trying to save her sanity when she tossed them both over  fence.

Witness: You sound like you have children.

911: I have a 3 and a 5 year old, yes.

Witness: So you’re saying this isn’t an emergency?

911: Well, you don’t need the police. But you should probably take your neighbour some wine, and maybe some chocolate because she is a hero.

Witness: Um, ok. Thanks.

(hangs up)

police-lights

This blog post has been linked up with some other great posts over here:

Run Jump Scrap!
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11 thoughts on “What My Neighbour Saw

  1. This post has totally made me smile. Loads. In fact, it happened to me the other day. Except I didn’t have a secret sliding door which I could open. I had to go to the shops and wait it out until husband got back from his run. Obviously HIS fault for being out. Not mine. No way. #bestandworst

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