The Non-Pregnant Pregnancy

Husband and I tried to get pregnant once. (literally once, is that too much info?) and then my period was late and my period is NEVER late, so naturally I was like, ‘We’re super fertile and I’m pregnant! the very first time!’ Except the pregnancy test says I was not pregnant. I didn’t believe it, of course, because I have had so much experience with this whole thing (that is to say, this one moment) and surely I know better than this hormone detection stick.

So I took another test the next day. Still not pregnant, says the stick that obviously knows nothing.  I mean, I had Googled all the early pregnancy symptoms and I totally had them all.

  • Sore back? Check. Sure, I get that before I get my period but whatever. I was pregnant.
  • Moody? Darn straight. I mean, yeah, I can get moody before my period comes, but this is obviously pregnancy moodiness.
  • Feel pregnant? Obviously.

So since my period still hadn’t come a week later, we were thinking that it was possible I was pregnant and just had to wait until there was more hormone for it to be detected. I’d already made a Dr’s appointment to get a blood test to prove the pee stick wrong.

As someone who loves being surprised, when the time came to make a real pregnancy announcement to our family, I wanted it to be awesome. Plans of hiding tiny baby booties somewhere in my mother’s house, or including an ultrasound photo in a pile of mail were forming in my mind. At that period-is-a-week-late-but-we-don’t-know-we’re-pregnant point, I was certainly not about to spill the beans. My mistake was not discussing with Husband that I was not ready to spill said beans.

We went to dinner at my in-law’s house and we were like 3 minutes in and Husband announces that we might be pregnant. And then I have to go into way too much detail about pee sticks and periods in front of my father in law, and try and silence the squeals of premature excitement that were emanating from my mother in law. And what followed was a week of daily phone calls as to whether there had been ‘Any progress?’ which basically is a polite way of saying, ‘Have you started bleeding from your vagina yet?’.

 The blood test said I wasn’t pregnant, and I was suspicious for another few days until I finally did get my period. Turns out we weren’t one-time’s-a-charm people after all. I steeled myself for the typical long road of trying to conceive, and swore that I wouldn’t buy another pregnancy test until my period was at least a week late. (Major fail there, as the next month I took a test the day my period was due and I was actually pregnant that time. Wee!)


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