I was getting ready to give baby M a bath before bed. I knew he had a poopy diaper, but I figured there was no need to take him to the change table – I’d just stand him up beside the tub, whip it off with my well-practiced use-the-diaper-to-scoop-the-poop move, give him a wipe and then run the bath for him. I’d say it was a fool proof plan. And it was – until you factor in the baby.
I’m not actually sure what happened, because it all happened so fast. All I know is that I had just undone the diaper but before I could capture the poop, he was on all fours crawling away and the diaper was loose around his ankles, and the poop was everywhere. I had barely screamed out ‘HUSBAND HELP’ before baby M had poop all over his foot and leg.
I did what any mother in my position would do – grabbed the baby’s ankles to prevent him from crawling any further into the kitchen, and held him down while I waited for reinforcements. M thought it was a great game so he just wriggled more and more trying to escape my iron grip, getting poop further up his leg and increasing the amount on the floor. Husband showed up with the wipes and held Mathias while I wiped (and wiped. And wiped).
At this point, we notice our dog Bella hovering nearby. Stop reading now if you have a weak stomach. On second thought, even the strongest of stomachs would turn at the next portion of this story, so maybe I’ll just skip the details and inform you that Bella attempted to help with the clean up with Husband and I both screaming at her to retreat , all the while still holding & wiping a very poopy and wriggly baby.
At some point in the melee, before I had wiped the floor but after Husband got poop on his pants, we realized that I could have just plopped M in the empty tub and used the handy removable shower head to clean him off and all the floor smears could have been avoided. Lesson learned the hard way – we’ll be ready next time the poonami hits.